A letter to the high officer in Command,
I want to address the various accusations that have been made against me recently. First I must deny them all. There is very little truth to be found in the muttering of mere men. I do not want to assume such a high sense of morality, but I have been left no choice. There is but one reason why I conducted myself in such a manner and it this reason is as follows.
I am a well bred, well though out genius. You must pardon the high regard for my own being but it is true. I am quite capable of every complicated thought. If only I have been born earlier and then the world would have been graced by my presence sooner. You must understand that my intellect not only grants my such rights to do as I please but also to bear the weight of continuing such thought. As such, I will formally address the complaints held against me.
First, the incident with the “papier”. This I must confess was one of my more subdued attempts where I was trying to challenge the nature to cleanliness. Within such a regimented way of life, I have found myself mulling over the ideas of your state of living. Why does the ‘papier’ needed to be well rolled and kept in it’s place? Instead we must have freedom and chaos. There is nothing less than an artistic statement behind my actions. I wanted to rebel against the ideas of what the room ‘should’ look like. In any case, this space was also mine to occupy and therefore choose how it should look. The direct scolding I received afterward indicated to me that there was no room for personal expression in this household. I am not only horrified but greatly perturbed.
After such a negative reaction from my fellow constituents and even you, high Commander, I was determined to prove my genius in other ways. While roaming around our barracks I noticed that there is a constant lack of good wholesome smells. With regard to please my fellows, I traversed outside. In that moment,again, my genius shown through. I found a delectable pile of odorous perfume. I knew that this would solve out house’s problem of lack of scent. I gracefully applied the perfume to my sheen coat. All around. As I walked inside, I was very happy to announce my contribution to the group and the atmosphere of the house. With great disgust, my fellow constituents started to bark at me that I had done a very wrong thing. I could not understand why they did not appreciate my gift of decorative odor. My genius was so clearly seen in my eyes and so i was confused why no one else saw it. I was then given the most horrid wash-down where I was forced to bathe. I believe that this was both a disrespect to my position and as a well bred genius.
Please recognize that these charges against me come from an disreputable source. I have a very long list of contacts that would defend my case. I have decided to keep on with you and the rest of the barracks as to not cause distress.