Mathamatics

Adding up all the places I’ve been

and I can fill a sheet of paper with words

But then I must subtract the ways

that I have been rude to you and other people

It seemed fun at first to sum up my life

in a short and Pythagorian way

then I stared at the paper too long

and my thoughts and feelings divided from the original fun

I realized that I was too young and too old all at once

I child living in a world that expected a certain amount of responsibility

I felt very lost as the integral of space between reality and fantasy grew larger and larger

There was no way to bridge the gap

even multiplying my happy thoughts did not suffice to stem the exponential growth

further and further my dreams left my mind ans I glanced at the paper

I subtracted happiness from money

and all that remained was a fantasy I knew was not real

Imaginary numbers consoled me along as I grasped to understand the equation of life

History taught me something too but I seemed only to heed the teacher in front of my eyes

I thought the story would end happy

that is what I told myself

so I ripped the paper into shreds and started fresh

and there I started to add up all the moments worth cherishing in my life

I left enough room to account for the variable that

my happiness you continue on

1+2+3…+n

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Story…

Here is the start of a story I wrote. What do you think?

Looked Through

 

She paced the floor of her bedroom…

“That is how I wanted the story to start Jennie” said Fear. “But you know, I think that it will make more sense for there to be a more dramatic opening.”

More like a dramatic closing, I thought.

“Can we be done with this? I am tired and I want to go home.”

“Jennie!” Fear sighed “its always about what you want, isn’t it. Can’t we do something that I want to do? Isn’t there any joy for you in participating in things that I love?”

I glanced at Fear as though I hadn’t heard her. I knew it would make her angry but I didn’t care. I no longer wanted to be stuck in this room with just a chair and a computer. I no longer wanted to try and pretend that I was interested.

“You know; it would be nice to have you listen once in a while” Fear turned back to her computer. My glance had done the trick. She was annoyed and not she would want me to leave. “Just leave Jennie”

Without even a goodbye, I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my backpack. Life needed living and it wasn’t happening with Fear.

“I’ll be back by curfew” I said mockingly to Fear as I left her apartment. Gosh the cool fresh air felt nice. I felt as though I could breathe again. Not that I wasn’t breathing before but now it felt more real. I walked down the stairs of the building and hit the sidewalk with a run. I didn’t need to run but I wanted race myself. Push myself farther. I passed a sign for a coffee shop. The neon green read open. Just as I passed the window, a person pushed open the front door to the shop and I stumbled into them. They were holding coffee in their hands and looking down at their phone. I was looking at the sign and running too fast to care.

“Goodness! You’re moving fast, aren’t you?” the man said. “Luckily, my coffee didn’t spill”. I grunted a “Yes” and glanced up. Of course he would care if his coffee spilled. You bougie scum. My glance was met with nothing as the man had already moved away and started looking at his phone. Because this guy stopped me, I entered the shop out of spite to some weird karma game I was playing in my head. I ordered a small coffee and sat down. Now that I wasn’t moving I had time to think about what I needed to do.

My mind wandered from making a to-do list about other more interesting and engaging things. What would I look like with blue hair? How long will it take me to re-read the Harry Potter series? Can I have powers just like in the Airbender series?

My eyes were staring in the distance and suddenly I saw movement that pulled me from my internal daze.

Youtube Channel

Hello friends!

First of all thank you to those people who have consistently liked and commented on my poems and ramblings. I am forever grateful to you. Know that sometimes you have helped inspire various writings and stories.

Secondly, I am starting a Youtube channel. This is not to say that I won’t write anything anymore but I want to try out a different medium. I will be reviewing  my favourite books and telling you why you should read them. Its gonna be very informal. No high quality or budget.

Thirdly, it only seems fitting to end this post with a poem.

Looking glass of my reflection

in the bright eye of the camera

Where is the beauty in the eye of the beholder?

As I watch myself say words and play a part

I wonder if I am too vain for my own good

At the camera buzzes to life

my eyes lift to meet the gaze of the lens

the looking glass reflects me deep

I wonder where the beauty lies.