Wished

She wished for a love
a lust
that would drive her farther from herself.
She thought that a protector is what she needed
but she didn’t realize that no one could save her from herself.
She needed to do it.
Those loves and those dreams
where merely past times
to create a sense of security within herself.
A feeling of bliss
while her real world sank.
She woke up today;
she saw how she was hurting herself.
So then
she started to write;
putting words together
forming sentences of her true fears.
For when she wrote down her terrors
they stopped materializing as ferocious thoughts.
She was able to decipher her own imagination and put down building blocks to a healthier future.
This act of inscribing meaning allowed the power of control
to be in her words,
her thoughts,
and her destiny.
She looked at life with a happier charm and decided that her dreams could still be accomplished.
She did not need daydreams to make her forget;
Instead she remembered and strove to create even more
with her new found determination.

Questions for my Diary

Can I write in my diary, the small loves I have had and how I cried for them all? Will recording my thoughts and beats of my heart console me too long to love no more? Dear diary, I wish you had ears to hear the songs I sing to remember those loves. Songs that give way to tears and sometimes laughs. Can I write down those feelings that grip my body to the core? Will they translate onto the page?

I must do so even with all my questions, nothing else will quiet my mind.

A Bit of Sunshine

Yesterday, where I live, there was a huge storm. It down poured with rain. The winds blew so hard it picked up things and smashed in windshields. A hormonal teenager, really. Darkness hovered over everything while the rains spat down on us. It felt like a temper-tantrum. But then, you know, after going to sleep. I wasn’t sure what to expect the next morning. More outbursts? More hormones?

Happily, instead I was graced with a little bit of sunshine. This light, these rays shone through me the rest of the day. And a I wore a smile on my face not because I thought it was trendy but because it finally reflected my heart.

Today

I rose this morning with a song in my step. I was happier than usually. For once, I was not dwelling on my own internal dialogue. I was celebrating someone else’s existence. Yes, it’s just a small gift and it might not mean much. But it resembles me looking out from myself. Noting others reality and being happy that they are part of mine. The gift wrapping crinkles in my hand and my heart pounds in expectation. I hand over the gift excited to be part of this moment. I am happy to be apart from my own thoughts and desires. This other person. This other life. Today is set apart just for them.

Morning Rise

The morning draws upon the night. Pushing the night out of the scene and becoming the main actor. First the morning sings a song. Tweets and twitters, a car passing by. A soft melody that graces my ears. Slowly, the song becomes filled with sounds of waking life. More birds, more people. The morning brings out its fully glory with the sun. The sun warms the grass and the petals of the tulips. It increases its shine on the sleepy eyed deer. The morning gives us a song and a light that we cannot resist. My body is eager to stretch and move. The morning beckons me from my slumber and I must rise. I anticipated a sting but rather the morning graces me with soft touches of sound and light. Smiles are my melody and sunshine is my harmony as I dress for the day.

Sweet, Sweet Minstrels

My brother plays on the piano. The sweet improvised melody is both calming and elusive. I wonder what he means when he plays those chords. Does the tune define the artist? Or is my brother defining the meaning of his song? I wonder. I sip my tea and close my eyes. I listen. The sounds of the piano are wondrous, taking me to a new place and different world. The day is closing but my brother’s music gives me another beginning. The fabric of time and space seem to slow and melt as the tune is played. The world created is light and free. Colors of sunrise fill the space. I am floating on the clouds while I am listening. My mind explores this new world unknown. I do not sense any rush to find or seek but rather I move with the melody of the song. My soul turns and glides, I hear the hurt and the love the journey my brother has been on. And I am captured by the chords, my own emotions reflecting the tune.

My eyes slowly open. The reality of the space around me gently nudges my senses. My brother still sits at the piano. He still plays his song. Only a minute has passed and I feel inspired to live thousands more. The song reached me at my core. It drove me to be something greater than I was a moment before. The song changed me. The artist changed me. I do not want to relegate myself to the mundane. No longer. I will become the song that changed space and time to bring life to world around.

Honestly Summer Already started

Summer has started.┬áThe wind in the trees. And the branches have already started to sway. This time, this place it has begun. And as I open my eyes each morning I wonder how I will change the world. I wonder if I can leave my footprint on the sands of time. Can I be poetic? Artistic? Will any of these jackets suit me or should I be content with my pajamas. I want to wear the daring clothes with the daring hairstyle with tattoos and piercings. But will these garnishes reflect my inner self or am I afraid to wear what is truly me? When I look in the mirror, I see a girl ready to challenge the world. But she is not sure where to begin. I honestly don’t know where to begin. Summer has already started and I feel left behind. Therefore I will start writing everyday to at least document something. Start something so the dust won’t hit my face any longer.