Story

You have a story

A tale to tell

A life with moments

Trees filled with leaves

All

Making a beautiful picture

You have a story

A life to share

Maybe its clay

Molding you

Maybe it containes glass

Or a shattered mirror

I don’t mind the parts

That are hard or unpleasant

They are part

Of you

You have a story

I want to hear

And listen

And watch your words

Describing your life

I want to wait to hear your

Story

And learn

More

About

Your

Lovely life

Clay

Glass

Tree

Tell me your story

For I want to hear

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Hello

Good morning Sunshine

You laughed at my

messy bed head hair

and sleepy teddy bear eyes

too early to realize

that it wasn’t

sunrise

but rather sunset

I visited your grave

everyday

for when you left me

all I could remember was

your blurry eyes

and soft hands

whispers of

Hello

in my ear

I do not know if it is

sunrise

or

sunset

 

Sickness

I am feeling dissatisfied with my

Current position in life

I am happy right now

But I feel as though

I have not broken through the

Womb

I want to stretch my arms

And push

Push out of the place

I am currently sitting

Dissatisfied is the wrong word

Restless

Restless to go

Be

See

Take my own life

Make something for myself

I am running inside my own mind

Instead of running around the world

I want to

Do things

Like truly

Move

And hit

And run

Forward

I want to

Create things

And film

Paint and

Draw

My life to its fullest

Art my way through

A real

Conversation

This tireless wanting

Hunger to be more

Restlessness

It had infected me

And taken grip of my heart

The real sickness

Is never acting upon

It.

You deserve Life

There was a moment in my life where I felt

That although

I was finished my degree

That I was finished this

Seeming monstrosity

That I was still missing something

Missing something

Right

Like we all run through life trying to check boxes

But where has it gotten us?

Where has it gotten me?

Me

A girl

A young girl by the looks of things

And immature girl

By the guess of things

She hasn’t gotten anywhere by checking all those boxes instead I color in the lines and wish

Oh how I wish that I could be like the people that I see on tv

I wish that I could be free like them

Work hard

But get rewarded

For all I want is the reward, right?

Do all I want is the praise and adoration of my friends and family?

Why

Why do I create? Why do I think about like death humanity and beauty all at once

Who am I

Where will God take me?

People think religion is stupid

I understand why

Believing in something different

Other than yourself

Well

Truth is I am tired

Tired of checking and filling all those boxes and saying help when it seems right

I am tired of believing in myself

And then Turing around to think badly about myself

People talk about self-worth as though it is something that you can easily attain

With 5 simple steps

The reality is

This

Every day you need to gain back that self-worth

For your mind tore everything down the night before

You look in the mirror and have to force

Force

Rip your mind from feeding on negativity

It isn’t 5 easy steps

It isn’t the next smile is freedom

It is a fight to move forward

Never does that moment get easier

Sometimes the weight of my personal doubt does grow easier yes

Things like laughter

The spirit

Singing and love

Those do make it easier

Yes

But that does not diminish the roar that I need to give to my own personal identity every time I start to believe that I am less than others

Or even less than myself

No

This is not a road to personal discovery

Is isn’t even recovery

It’s a process

And with the processing of the [process

I can start to understand the why of things

Am I that crazy?

Are we this crazy

Stupid to think that the solution to life is five easy steps?

This is no declaration of encouragement

This is no pep talk

But rather the real talk

That I have been trying to come to terms with in the last few months

Years

Lifetime

Be though my vision

I tell myself in the morning

As I try to make sense of the

Who

What

Where

Where

Why and how

But we need each other

Right? I need you and you need me

Confessing our insecurities

So, one day they might bring us less pain

Don’t worry, even in the times where I see only darkness for myself

I still think you are the light of day

Even when you doubt yourself

I will believe in you

Put trust in you

Call you

Friend

Mother brother sister father and worth

My time and energy

Even if I feel close to smashing the mirror in my room

I promise to be true to you

True to the fact that you deserve someone

Somebody to laugh and care for you

You deserve life

And so even if my life feels failing

I promise to make sure your life is worth living

Be thou my vision

Oh Lord of my life.

Complicated

I believe in the complex

the symmetry of entropy

constant

life is more complicated than

my political affiliation or

my gender

at least I believe so

taking everything into account seems

like a daunting task

until you realize it is the only way to understand

fully how I think

the mess of my mind

creates the words and jokes I tell

sorry, I can really be crude, can’t I

I didn’t mean it

any of it

life it too complicated to be taken

completely seriously

Right, Friend?

We both say hogwash but mean daisies and roses

we both glance at our watches and remember our schedules

plotting life adventures like a math problem

Geometry maybe?

Sometimes the simplest “Hello”

will help me realize that life isn’t as

complicated as I make it seem

when I reduce my fractions and

smile in the mirror

then I can start to focus

on the objects of happiness and joy

that make this world Simple

Writing:Living

I haven’t written in a while. Well a few days at least. It seems that part of me is dying when I forget to express myself through words. Maybe I’m just a romantic poet hoping to live a little. Maybe I am slowly dying and feel as though my words help me live past myself. Do you ever feel like crafting a whole story just to tear it up? Do you ever want to burn bridges just to watch?

It seems as though my life is consistently a balancing act over dark waters. And sometimes I just need the comfort of my own thoughts to take me from my reality.