then again

then again

If I destroy my inner self

fretting about


love that doesn’t exist


I will carve my name into

the tree of death

and slowly fade

into eternal


or agony

depending on how

you gaze at the dead


I now have



It seems that only in my dreams

Do we talk for hours

Before falling asleep

In eachothers arms

The hold

You have

On my minds desires

Slowly simmers


My stone cold heart

I wish more things about the

Present reflected my

Dreams of the future

Like washed towles and

A clean bedroom

But I have become satisfied

With waiting until

I see your bright warm cheeks

Swelling in laughter

My oh my

Can my dreams

Last a little longer?

My mind thought about you all night

even though

I didn’t taste anything

no sweet kisses or

peach hugs

for my belly

deep inside of me

I wandered around

thinking you would finally appear

but the dream never did shape up

to anything but

a cozy snuggle with my cat

I thought it would be fun to romanticize and fantasize

about how your beard would feel against my smooth cheek

and wouldn’t it be perfect if

the puzzles fit together


like our hands


but only in my dream

I want

I want you know

I thought about you

I want to know

I care about you

When you said

that you wanted to die

I want to you know

I gave you a think

I want you to know

life will not sink

When we said

“see ya later, goodbye”

It isn’t hard

for me to find

the reasons why

you bring me sunshine

It isn’t hard

for me to hide

the reasons why

you bring a smile to my life

I want you know

I thought about you

I want you to care

that I’ll see you through

When you said

that you wanted to die

When you say

your final goodbye



Good morning Sunshine

You laughed at my

messy bed head hair

and sleepy teddy bear eyes

too early to realize

that it wasn’t


but rather sunset

I visited your grave


for when you left me

all I could remember was

your blurry eyes

and soft hands

whispers of


in my ear

I do not know if it is





That Music

Music and


Bring me to a


Distant land

That always

Sways to a beat

And I want to dance

Till my blood runs dry

For that melody

Sweet hibiscus

Smelling roses

And tasting honey

To my ears

That is the joy

Of music

To me


I’d never thought of prayer

As an act of friendship

Or a sign of deep care

And love

But now I realize

How it points my

Heart to the right


And that is more caring

Than questions

Or flowers

I prayed to the

God of the universe

(Cause I have an in with Him)

Not really

But I do care about you

And have no way of telling you

So I pray for your saftey

And I pray you have wisdom

We still don’t know

Each other

Very well

So I am hesitant

To call you

Or write you a letter

God answered and said you are


For he heard me whisper

I know He thinks of my every need

And understands my anxieties.

I pray for you

When I think of you

Which happens more often than it


And I hope you will fare better soon

Night mare


I thought

And lifted hopes

From a small locket

Wrapped around my heart


My nightmares

Turned from dark and


To light and


The locket opened

With a push to the latch

Inside colors

Burst forth

Reds and blues

And many hues

That contained all my longings

And desires

I thought


My nightmare had stopped

But maybe it is the



Do I think of any thing


Do I believe in something more?

Yesterday I thought again

Of my love

Where are you cherished friend?

Where are your kisses and sweet

Candy kisses

I believe that I dream too much

Sometimes I think my imagining


My reality

For it will hurt

If you do not meet my expectations

But it will blow me away

If you exceed them

I cried that I will never find you

A lost, lost soul

Searching for friendship

And love

People say they married their best


Well I need a best friend first

Be my valentine

I have never heard

Because I never made any effort to

Look your way

Now the past is gone

And the

what if

Still hangs over my head

Longer than the summer solstice

I think too much


Dreaming of your smile

I am afraid to remember how you

asked me questions

Because I know I put too much


Behind it

Behind it

I will be hiding

Behind my dreams

Of a love so sweet

I never again need to

Taste the honey dew