Memory: Time

a memory:

walking by streams

of living water

and trees swaying

in the wind

I hear the cardinal

call

and the spirit speaks

words of truth

to my soul

I feel grounded

more than any other

moment

more than any other

time

I feel found

accepted

knowing I am

alive in the woods

of this beautiful place

the whispering babbles

of the river

and I wonder

if it is all a

dream


Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

Breath and Bone

eons ago

time before time

waters split

and lands rose

there I stood

seeing the universe

created

wondering at the majesty of

it all

Am I more than breath and bone?

more than air and sea?

millenium spans

time after time

rocks break

and seas rose

there I sat

amoung the relics

crafted

wondering at the majesty

of it all.


Photo by Sean O. on Unsplash

My meaning

Mark your self as

special

chide yourself

as lovely

for as the moonbeams

rest on the laurels

of yesterday’s events

you are still

something

you mean something

mark yourself as

smart

tell yourself

“I’m kind”

for as the sunshine

rises the weary travelers

to the day break

you are still

something

you mean everything

.

my meaning

 


Each day I seem to go over everything that I did and said. This reumenating is not very good for me, I know. But it is hard to break a lifelong habit. So each day, I spend time recounting what I think I should have said. When I find myself re-living moments, becasue it’s inevitable, I try to focus on the positive of each moment. I try to remember any kindness or smiles. I try to remember the laughing, especially the laughing, so that I can stamp that day with a “good job”. It doesn’t always work, I’m not always successful but these small steps will hopefully help me run the marathon of life.  Photo by Belinda Fewings on Unsplash.

lonely no more

I sweep away the crumbs

from my cluttered desk

finding space for

my fingers to tap the key board and once

again

relay to you

questions of my heart.

.

the woodpecker sleeps

as the moon fades into darkeness

my breathy fog

hits the screen door

as I call my dog back

back to his warm home

.

maybe having the answers

to all of life’s questions

is exhausting

maybe its too much to bear

but in this moment

I am jealous

of the future

jaded by my desire to know

know it all

to understand the depths

of my

dark soul.

Is it too much to ask?

Too much to reason with?

the cascading emotions

of time and relevance

only draw me

closer to

insanity.

.

the fan that constantly

hums

in my room

provides a much needed

distraction

to the sounds of the voices

in my head.

to the ringing of the

“too little to late”

mantra that pierces my eyes

each morning

.

I find respite here.

I find rest in the words

penned so carelessly

one has to wonder

if they count as

prose.

But I find solem peace here.

Knowing that

if I can find

just one weary traveler who

understands

we can journey together.

.

lonely no more

 


I read a blog post just last week about lonliness and how it can effect many places of your life. That feeling that you don’t belong or others don’t understand. It can be a sinking feeling that becomes a crippling idea landing you into the realm of depression. If you are feeling lonely today, please, say hello to me in the comments. I want to reassure you, you are not crazy for feeling this way and you are not alone either. This interent sphere can tie us together even with just a comment.

 

Good Morning, Self

Good morning

my love

sweet face

scratchy eyes

and button nose.

Good morning

my sweet,

yellow pale

morning rays

remind you

of all the innocene

the early day offers.

Good morning,

I say

as I look at my reflection

wondering about the girl

in the mirror.

she isn’t as tall as

I remember

but her smile

is

nice.

Good Morning,

I muster again

courageous to the

wind and

dreamy thoughts

that suddenly

fly away

as I remember

to brush my teeth.

.

self love


I have been inspired to write pieces this week that are inspired by the ideas of self love, self talk and self reflection. Maybe I should call it the “self series” ? What do you think? Regardless of the title, I have noticed that myself and others have been dealing with self identity and self talk issues. My dear friend, my dear reader and others have noted that they feel lacking in the area of self love. My goal is to uncover my own thoughts and feelings but also inspire others to speak kindly to themselves and discover how special they really are. -L Photo by Jo Jo on Unsplash.

Understand Self

I don’t understand myself

like I used to

where the easy thoughts

of life and love

drifted toward me

with a meloncholy roar

Now I seem to speak and act

in defense of

a version of myself

I no longer relate to

A type and personality

that reflect a darkened visage

my core inner strength

dwindling

I don’t understand myself

like I used to

will the silent moment of

words suffice?

From Far Away

Last time I sat and wrote something longer, I talked about the season of life in which I fins myself. Although I’d like to keep thinking existential thoughts, why don’t I move along.

This week has been very busy even though I haven’t traveled anywhere. Instead, I have been preparing for travel. The preparation of the thing seems to me just as important as the journey itself. I am not one of those travelers who can go on a whim with no thought about where the next meal will come from. Rather, I plan accordingly and detail out how much I should bring and what shoes I should wear. As I near the trip, I start to get anxieties about whether or not I even planned enough. At some point, this worry multiplies into thoughts about whether I should go on the trip at all.

I am starting to realize that life isn’t lived while you are planning. Real moments are formed when you let the travel take you to your next adventure. As much as I want to be in control and make each moment special, the reality is I am not physically capable to do so.  Even though I am just taking a weekend trip, this realization has broader impact on my perspective. The prepping, the doomsday attitude will only provide me so much comfort and joy when I walk through life’s journey.

Therefore, this weekend I won’t worry about each meal or each moment spent. Instead I will roll with the punches, let me hair down, throw caution to the wind and treasure each uncertain moment.

 

-L