Those Likes

So yesterday, I waited.

I waited around for people to like my blog post. I waited for my little bell to have an orange dot, signifying my worth in this world. I sat there staring at my computer for about 10 minutes. It was through this dull staring with my eyes glazed over that I realized I haveĀ a serious problem. I was sitting there and waiting for people to make me feel better about myself. I wanted to know that someone somewhere liked what I had said. Through the staring, I realized how ridiculous I was. Sad really. Somehow my blog posts sat at the forefront of my personal meaning. I stared blankly at my posts some more. I stared to jeer at my inner self. Really?!? I am pathetic, waiting for some random person to satisfy my desire to feel included. All I wanted was one like, was that too much to ask?

Yes, yes it was because no reader has any obligation to the author. There is no mutual understanding of readers delight and then authors praise. So I sat there, staring at my computer waiting for something to happen when in reality I needed to write more and read even more. I need to pull myself away from those categories of worth and inclusion. Regardless of what people think, I need to write.

I am very foolish. A very silly girl. Typing away. Hoping to gain drastic popularity.

Those likes will be the end of me.


Driving in the Car

As I move from point A to point B, I can’t help but use a car. It is so convenient and why not dazzle myself with modern marvels? But back to the traveling, I get into the car and turn the key. The engine roars more like a fire rather than a lion and I am off! As I sit in the car my mind wanders from subject to subject. Maybe I even start to talk to myself. I say a long prayer for there is no one else to talk to but God. Then I start to sing. With no audience and no listeners, I am content to blast the music and belt from my lungs. A wonderful freedom while driving by myself. The loneliness merely spurs on my confidence as I continue to hum a melody. Traveling alone gives me space and time to be me. In the turn of the roads and the stopping of the lights, the rhythm lulls me into mediation and dreamy thoughts. I enjoy traveling and driving with just myself. It was a special treat only for me to enjoy.